my mom used to tell me that as long as i tried, she wouldn't get upset at me.
that was all a lie.
there wasn't a day that i didn't try, mostly out of fear, and even though i did try, she still got upset at me.
this led me down a path of believing that i just simply wasn't good enough, and that even if i tried, i wouldn't get the outcome that i wanted.

and sometimes these feelings resurface.
but i've learned over the past few years during my treatment journey that

1. some things just aren't meant to be, and just because you try your best doesn't mean it'll happen the way you want it to, and
   
2. sometimes your best is not your all-time best, and that's okay.
   

on number 1, i just want to say that if you tried, that's what matters.
and i mean it, unlike my mom.
life doesn't always work out the way we want it to, which can suck.
but sometimes even trying is extremely difficult, and you did it. you did that.

i want to focus more on number 2.
this happens to all of us, but in my case, depression made it so that on some days, i was feeling like a 34 out of 100 at best.
so, on those days, i only had 34 to give.
that means if i gave 34 that day, i tried my best.
your best for one day may not be your all-time best, but that's okay.
this was something i tried to explain to my mom a lot but it never really got through to her.
honestly it's still something i have to remind myself of a lot of the time.

of course it would be nice to be able to give 100/100 all the time and achieve the best possible outcome.
but sometimes it's just not feasible.
and sometimes, we shouldn't have to.
i think we can have days where we don't give 100% of what we have that day.
it's okay to take it easy sometimes and treat yourself or give yourself the rest you need.

but on days when you only have 34 to give, or 50, or 75, don't be hard on yourself for not being able to give 100/100.