i don't have any intense feelings or interesting thoughts i feel compelled to write about, so i thought i'd do something more just like a daily journal entry or an update.

i just got back from my part-time job, which has been both fulfilling and exhausting at the same time.

some good moments:

• there's this one kid who i teach in a class setting - the school does classes and 1:1 tutoring - and due to some other teachers calling out, things had to be moved around and i couldn't teach the class for 2 weeks. when we ran into each other at the school because he came a bit early, he immediately said he missed me, and i feel like kids are brutally honest so if they say something they really mean it. it's something else when a kid says they miss you or if they compliment you.
  
• another kid in a class who i subbed for, he seems to have a hard time grasping concepts sometimes, and i've noticed that the teacher who usually teaches the class isn't always patient with him. i wanted to make sure that he knew it was okay to be a little slow, and that i would wait for him before moving on. at the end of the class when his mom came to pick him up, he gave me a hug. it honestly made my day.
  

why i am exhausted:

• my manager is really nice and i can tell she loves me, but the scheduling system is a mess. it's understandable if some teachers call out or are on vacation, but i feel like every week i'm being thrown a new client for whatever reason, and i used to only work 2 hours on thursdays which i loved but suddenly i'm working 4 hours, which, may not sound like a lot but when you're dealing with screaming children and you have to maintain positive energy, it's a lot.
  
• every time i get a new client, i have to check what they've been learning (each student has notes that we write at the end of the session), and then i have to form a lesson plan/project accordingly, which entails me seeing if i have a project i've already created that would be the right level for them, or if i'd have to create a new project altogether. if i were privately tutoring a student, of course i'd be the one making the lesson plans, but i thought that since i'd be working in a school, i'd be given a curriculum in some shape or form? should i not have expected this? it's not really what i had signed up for.
  

besides the job, i'm still struggling to search for a full-time job in software engineering.
i think i still feel a bit burnt out about everything that went down, and i've also forgotten so much (fuck brain fog) that i'm worried i'm back to square one.
i feel like it's been like this for me forever, with school, and now with this.

but overall, i'm a little better.
maybe the medication is working.
the weather is finally starting to get warmer, which makes me so excited.
seasonal depression is really real.
the other day it suddenly shot up to 62 degrees (fahrenheit, around 17 degrees for my celsius fam) and my friends and i visited a park by the water.
i felt genuinely happy for the first time in ages.
i'm also more interested in things now - games, crocheting, reading.

speaking of crocheting, i've been crocheting ribbons lately, which are really just long chains that you have to tie into a ribbon, except there are only so many things you can tie a ribbon to.
have you guys noticed that ribbons are trending lately?
coquette, balletcore, all that stuff.. (i sound like i'm not interested but i actually kinda like it)
but i've always loved ribbons, so i'm glad they're getting the recognition they deserve.