fear of being overwhelmed
i used to think that i was never able to get myself going because i had a fear of failure.
i still think that's part of it, but now i think it's more a fear of being overwhelmed.
that i'll try to grasp something but it'll ooze through my fingers instead and i'll have no idea how to put it together.
there are a few things i want to be doing right now:
- studying japanese for an upcoming trip
- studying to get a job again
- starting a crochet business
but with these things, there isn't really one way to do them, and that's what troubles me.
i don't know what makes me so bad at self-studying - maybe the fact that growing up i didn't really have to make study plans for myself as my parents hired tutors for me and sent me to various prep schools.
or that i'm just a chronic overthinker and the fact that there are so many resources out there makes me break down.
how do i know what the best way to go about something is?
i guess i don't, and "best way" is often subjective.
so then.. what do i do?
when i think about doing something, particularly in the above list, i feel sick.
i feel immense fear.
i think about sitting at my desk, or at a cafe, and trying to do something but i imagine myself getting stuck on how to progress and then getting overwhelmed with the possible ways to go about it.
you know, that feeling like you're drowing and you can't breathe, and your head starts spinning.
i know that once i start, i see things through to the end.
starting is always the hardest part.
how do i tell myself it'll be okay?