i don't feel ready, but i don't want to get left behind
for as long as i can remember, my dream was to move out on my own and live a happy life.
i'm sure many people have had similar dreams, but i remember feeling miserable at home and telling myself the first thing i do when i get a job is moving out.
it hasn't happened yet.
i know i'm not supposed to dwell so much on it, and i know that life happens and things don't always go the way you want it to, and i know that everyone goes at their own pace.
but now that i'm about to finally open the door to this dream, i'm scared.
because of my depression i took a lot of time off from school.
i graduated a few years later than my friends did with virtually no useful skills and then completed a bootcamp a few months ago.
during the bootcamp, everyone was really encouraging and they told us that we're totally capable of getting jobs afterwards.
i know it was just a way to get us to believe in them, but with the current market it's not as feasible.
regardless, i felt super prepared to get a job after i graduated the bootcamp.
also, being busy kept my depression in check really well.
fast foward a few months, and here i am, still jobless.
i don't necessarily blame myself for that; i know the market is harsh right now.
but i still feel inferior, and like i'm lacking so much.
i have one opportunity that may turn into a job, but.. i'm terrified?
i feel like i'm just not ready to be a working adult, even though i'm at the age where i should be one.
but i don't want to just be left behind constantly.
most of my friends have been working, they've been moving out, they're living their adult lives.
and i'm for sure sick of being at home in a sort of toxic environment, with no financial independence and no career.
but why so i feel so scared to start working and living my own life, when it's everything i've been dreaming of, to the point of tears?
usually i try to dive into my brain and my past to figure out what may be causing these feelings, but this time i'm really not sure.
i really just want to fast forward to the point where everything is good.