i want to be a magical anime girl
my part-time job is getting easier.
and i got my first paycheck which felt nice, even if it's not a ton of money.
my psychiatrist added on another medication because i haven't been sleeping well.
it has a little crescent moon on it which i really like.
kinda makes the medicine look like candy.
however, it doesn't really work for me..
the past few days i've been feeling tired - not depression tired, lack-of-sleep tired - but it takes me forever to fall asleep, or i wake up after a few hours.
don't know what's up with that.
currently running on 3 hours of sleep, but i feel okay.
still feeling a bit uninspired, as i mentioned in my previous post.
but i know that this too shall pass, and i have experienced all this before - i am stronger now.
despite a whole lot of nothing, i wanted to write, so here i am.
this is a topic i haven't really talked about with anyone, because i felt that it was a bit silly or immature.
i think i always had a very active imagination.
as a kid i would make up situations and kind of rehearse them in my head, sometimes even talking out loud to practice possible situations.
around when i started to feel that the pressure from my parents was absolutely suffocating, i dreamt about running away from home.
i had grand imaginations of running away from home and running into some handsome boy who would rescue me and help me live the life i wanted to live.
once i started to consume more media (movies, kdramas, anime, webtoons, etc), i started to think about how i wish i had powers, or how i wish someone would crash into my school and tell me i was actually a magical anime girl, or how i wish a rich, handsome man who is stoic to everyone else but only nice to me would come sweep me off my feet.
yeah, kind of funny, i know, but i think besides escaping a life that i didn't enjoy, i wanted to be special.
because of the way i was raised and the expectations that were put on me, i wanted to stand out and be someone that others looked at in wonder or awe.
i wanted to live a life that the main character of those fictional stories lived, but fiction is fiction, and no matter how realistic it can get, life doesn't turn out the way you want it to.
i still have those thoughts sometimes; as i read a new webtoon about a woman who is taken back 10 years in her life after her death to re-live her life for the better, i wonder what it would be like to be in her situation.
maybe these thoughts are more normal than i think, maybe they're okay to have.
or maybe i shouldn't be wanting to live in a dream world, and coming to terms with the life i have now would be better for me.
who knows?
i'll probably never be able to teleport, or be a magical anime girl with a dazzling transformation animation, but maybe down the line, when i'm living the life that i realistically wanted to live, i'll look back and feel that my life was somewhat of a movie, or a kdrama in and of itself.