lately i'm feeling like i'm in limbo.
a weird place in between feeling like i'm breaking apart and feeling like i'm okay.
i'm not feeling much overall, which is quite foreign for me.

recently i had the thought that maybe software engineering is not what i want to do as my career.
but then what?
i've already put so much time and effort into getting here, so i don't want to just change gears, and it's not like i hate the field either.
i think i'm just very unfulfilled at the moment.

i think it became evident to me when i suddenly developed an interest in crocheting.
a little late maybe, considering so many people have gotten into it, but hey i technically started crocheting when i was like 9, so maybe i'm actually ahead of everyone else?
but basically, i was looking for something new to get hooked on.
it made me think about how this will be another hobby i spend money on buying this and that for, bringing more clutter to my room, where i already have no space for things.
but then i had this thought that i am pj, collector of hobbies, and maybe that's okay.
the feeling of wanting to be good at everything doesn't go away easily, but i think i'm more open to keeping this as something more casual.
character development?
i just want to crochet some four-leaf clovers:)

if you could get paid (enough to live comfortably) for doing whatever you want, what would you do?
i think at first i'd say "lie in bed," but i think if i could get paid for being pj, collector of hobbies, i so would.
crochet a four-leaf clover? paycheck.
create a simple web app? paycheck.
read a book? paycheck.
bake a cake? paycheck!
don't get me wrong, working at a big, important company as a software engineer still seems really cool, and if i can't be pj, collector of hobbies, that's what i want to do, but if i could choose, i'd definitely just be pj, collector of hobbies.