"no one is coming to save you"
i don't use tiktok very much (i scroll on instagram), but one of my friends started sending me tiktoks and wanted to have one of those streak pets where you grow a little pet by messaging or sharing tiktoks daily.
so, solely because of this, i spend around 5-10 minutes on tiktok, just until i find something to send back to her.
today i came across a post from someone sharing some harsh truths that you need to face if you have adhd, but i feel that many of these can apply to anyone dealing with their mental health.
one of them said something along the lines of how you might feel comfortable or used to feeling like the victim, but the truth is that you have to save yourself, because "no one is coming to save you."
this hit me kind of hard because, well, i've always been quite sensitive, whether that be the adhd or just who i am, and harsh truths hurt me sometimes.
that doesn't mean i don't believe that they're not true.
trust me, i know.
but it hit me hard also because there were many times in my life where i wish someone would just hold my hand through things.
actually, i was just thinking about it yesterday.
you've probably heard someone, at least once in your life, tell you that they can't or can no longer hold your hand through something.
yeah, i know, i'm a grown adult now, who's gonna hold my hand? figuratively at least.
but when you feel like you've been stuck at the bottom of a dark well for years, you can't help but hope for a helping hand or two.
you can't help but desperately wish for someone to come save you.
my parents never held my hand through anything.
they never taught me with gentle guidance or kind words, it was always, "do this, and do it right, or else you will never succeed."
to be fair to them, i was a pretty smart kid.
i didn't need help with homework/schoolwork, and i was good at figuring things out on my own, like how to use the computer.
i didn't need my hand held through many things, but i think because they pushed me or pulled me instead of holding my hand and walking with me, i grew up thinking that i didn't deserve to ask for help, or that it was shameful to.
i would see classmates ask others for help on homework or studying and feel that if i were to do the same, i'd be a burden.
even now, i often just try to do things on my own and refuse help unless i really need it, and my boyfriend has asked multiple times, "why don't you let me help you?"
right, so, what do i mean when i say i wish someone would hold my hand?
sometimes, when i think of a project, whether it be coding or design related, i get inspired, but then quickly discouraged and overwhelmed when i realize i don't really know how to create such a thing.
i wish i had someone who would work with me and teach me along the way, so that i can finally create something i've always wanted to.
but everyone is busy with their own lives, and there are so many resources out there to learn things, i can just google any issues, etc etc.
i know there's a way for me to get there, it's just that to me, it feels like i'm navigating with a broken compass and a map with a giant hole in the middle lol.
i know no one is coming to save me.
but a girl can still wish.