00:00 (zero o'clock)

on being unemployed at 26

this is the first time i'm revealing my age on bear, something i kept hidden for privacy's sake.
but i felt that talking about my age was important for this post.

i'm quitting my part-time job next week.
i've stopped enjoying every part of it and i'm also going on a trip for a month and a half soon so i figured this would be a good point to end things.
after july 25th i will be totally and completely unemployed.

is it okay to be unemployed at 26?
or well actually, i turn 27 this year, so is it okay to be unemployed at 27?
i don't know, i hope so.
some people might criticize me, saying i should have at least a job by now, but others might say that it's totally fine to be where i am.
if someone else asked the question i would probably say yes.
but because it's me asking the question, i say no.

i think it's mainly because i don't like where i am right now.
there are things i want to do while i'm still in my 20s and before i settle down, but much of that can't be accomplished without money.
also many of my peers are working already, many of them have moved out into their own apartments and are living independent adult lives - the kind of life that i wish i was living.

when i was a kid i picked up on things very quickly.
while everyone in 2nd grade had "dog", "cat", "school" as their sight words, i was spelling "encyclopedia."
my mom had me learn scientific notation in 4th grade.
i learned algebra shortly after.
i think after all those years of being ahead, i don't know how to react now that i've become somewhat of a late bloomer.

i know (i hope) i won't be stuck here forever.
i thought i would never graduate college because i was stuck in the worst depression of my life, but i still managed to graduate, even if it took me two gap years.
so, there's proof that i can accomplish goals and get places.
i just need to believe in that proof as well as be kinder to myself.
it's just this big battle between me and me.

i'm still struggling, and even if i tell myself and others that there is no such thing as being behind, i can't help but feel dissatisfied with my current situation.
but i also have experienced things that others have yet to experience, and i'm trying, which is really important, right?
if you don't try you won't get anywhere.

i'm trying to have faith in myself but i'm not so good on my own, so please put your faith in me as well.
and hope with me that this too shall pass.

#anxiety #depression #mental health #thoughts