why i wish depression had a different name
i have had depression for over half my life.
but i lived in a household where such a thing didn't exist,
so it went undiagnosed and untreated for years.
depression.. fucking sucks.
for me it is a constant battle with another self, where i am just trying to live my life but the other me is saying it's not worth it, you can't do it, just don't.
one of the hardest things about depression, and mental illness in general, is that it's so hard to distinguish whether it is you or whether it is the illness.
"is it depression or am i just lazy?"
i can't count how many times i've asked myself this.
another thing that a lot of people don't understand is that depression makes you physically ill as well.
i feel a tiredness that reaches deep into my soul.
some days my body feels extremely heavy, and on other days it feels like my body doesn't belong to me.
at my worst i wouldn't eat for up to three days. i didn't feel like it.
and depression is deadly.
it's normal to feel sad sometimes, maybe really sad, or even depressed.
but depression isn't just feeling sad or really sad or really really sad.
it's an illness.
there's a chemical imbalance in your brain! that doesn't sound scary to you?
your brain, the organ that controls all that you do and feel, is suffering.
i used to wish that if i had to be sick, it wasn't mentally.
i wish that depression wasn't just called depression, but something that meant "catastrophic chemical meltdown in the brain" or something like "cranial destruction syndrome."
then maybe people would take its severity into consideration more.
i'm doing okay. i know how to deal with my depression now, and i am not in any danger.
if you are reading this and can relate, i wish you all things good.
don't be afraid to reach out!