i hate to admit it, but the exercise people were right
for as long as i can remember, i've hated most forms of physical activity.
my only exceptions were tae kwon do, which my mom forcibly signed me up for, but i enjoyed because i was good at it (for a 7 year old), and swimming.
oh i also liked dancing at one point, but now i'm too afraid to give it a try (refer to previous post).
i hated gym class growing up, and have used all sorts of excuses to try and sit out.
people probably think i'm joking, but i'm 99% serious when i say i hate moving.
anyways, being depressed, i've had exercise suggested to me hundreds of times.
"but.. i hate exercise. how would it make me feel better if i'm miserable just thinking about it?" is what i would always say.
despite that, i wanted to try. i really did.
but in my lowest of lows it was hard enough to get out of bed to brush my teeth or eat a meal.
and that's another thing that makes depression so scary.
the simplest of tasks feel like climbing mount everest or performing brain surgery with one hand.
getting out of bed to exercise honestly seemed impossible to me.
thankfully, i got a bit better.
i had switched majors and it took a huge weight off my shoulders.
during the quarantine period, i noticed i gained a bit of weight.
of course, this was not a big issue and i was still within healthy ranges, but my clothes weren't fitting anymore and it made me upset - i loved my clothes.
so, i decided to try exercising at home. along with changing up my diet of course.
i started one of those month-long challenges that involved pilates, HIIT, and the such, and managed to keep up..
for two weeks until i realized how much i hated exercise again.
i was terribly unfit and every time i did the workout videos i actually felt like throwing up.
fast forward to august of this year.
i felt my pants getting too tight again, so i contemplated doing those home workouts, but i was traumatized.
one day, i noticed an ad for a planet fitness that opened up over the summer near my house.
ah the gym..
every time i had gone to any gym, i would only go on the treadmill and walk for 20 minutes before getting extremely bored.
i was too scared to try any of the machines in fear of what people would think of me (even though i know no one really looks at you at the gym).
but i guess this time i was more determined.
i noticed that they offer free personal training with the membership, which still bewilders me to this day, but i thought, "this is it."
the first few sessions were rough; i had negative muscle mass and strength, so during and after the sessions i was in so much pain.
but i felt.. cool?
i was learning about the machines and slowly become a gym-er, a gym person, a gym go-er, whatever you call it.
and then somewhere along the way i noticed that even though i dreaded getting out of bed to go, i felt refreshed and awake after my workout.
i had never felt this before, so i was kind of in shock.
all this time i thought, "exercise only helps with depression if you don't hate it to death."
but the truth is, "exercise helps with depression, you just need to find what's right for you."
i hate to admit it, but the exercise people were right.
i'm happy to finally be on a journey towards health and higher self-esteem.